Leave Me Alone!
by Ninja Basket
Summary: What starts out as an innocent shopping trip turns into a disaster when Mello decides to buy squash.


_A/N: OK everybody. Disclaimer time. So Death Note belongs to T.O and T.O. The game Matt's playing is Pokemon Snap, which rightfully belongs to Nintendo._

* * *

"Matt!" came the shriek he had been expecting since he came back from shopping. Perfectly on cue, Mello trudged into the room, holding a pink box.

"What?" Matt moaned, giving close to none of his attention to Mello.

"Don't you '_What?' _me. You know perfectly well _what_." Mello was practically screaming

"Can't say I do" Matt mumbled back. Mello held up the box, his face was currently the same color.

"Okay then. Why the heck did you buy me pads!" Matt chuckled. Mello was not amused.

"Well, you've got P-Man-S, so I figured you'd need these down the road." Mello walked up to Matt and hit him up-side the head with the box. He grabbed the keys and turned to the door.

"Now where do you think you're going?" Matt yelled hoping he could be heard over Mello's shoes and rapid snarling.

"Returning these, and getting all the crud _you_ didn't" with a slamming door to prove his point, he was off. Now Matt could return his full attention to getting a picture of Eevee that would hopefully please Prof. Oak.

-

Mello ground the keys into the ignition. Stupid Matt buying him stupid feminine stationary, the nerve that boy had sometime! He was lucky there wasn't a bullet through his head right now. And Mello would have done it, too, if Matt wasn't paying most the rent, and....something else.

Mello pulled into a parking space at the _Alberston's_. He was parked next to a threatening-looking motorcycle, like the ones he used to see the Mafia riding. He hoisted himself out, and made his way to customer service. When he returned the pads he made his way to produce. Leave it to Matt to forget _all _about _vegetables_**. **He was strolling down the vast wall of greens, trying to buy something they _both_ would eat.

_Tomatoes?_ No. _Carrots? _No. _String Beans?_ NO. _Squash-_ He liked squash, assumed Matt did and started reaching for it. It then hit him why he went shopping with Matt. He hadn't hit that second growth spurt, leaving him tall, but Matt and the squash taller yet. He was nearly climbing over the tomatillos when he saw a burly, hairy arm reach up with ease, grab, and hand Mello a beautifully ripe butternut squash.

"th-th-thanks" Mello managed to utter, barely audible.

"No problem, just give a call," he said, handing Mello a business card "...if you need a hand."

Mello scrutinized the card. "Jonathan's Plumbing." he read aloud. "You run Jonathan's Plumbing, because-"

"No, no. It's on the back."

Mello flipped the card over. It read "Rodrigo Rodriguez- 457-9342" Rodrigo smiled.

Oh, so he wanted to be _this_ kind of friend. Mello dropped the squash mercilessly into his cart and made his way to the tofu. He looked behind himself. Dear God, _he_ was following him. Mello sped his pace up, coming to the tofu section all too soon. Rodrigo paused a couple of feet behind Mello, who was comparing a tofu steak to the rectangle kind, and sweating like the Mississippi.

"So, eating tofu...being a vegetarian...that's kinda hot."

God, he was hitting on him. Here came more sweat.

"Ha ha, firm or extra firm?" Mello noticed Rodrigo making a move for his waist "Ok, ha, I'll get both." He dropped the two packages in his cart and was off to the candy aisle. Rodrigo was still following him.

Mello wasn't taking any time to be his usual, picky self, settling only for European chocolate. Here came Rodrigo.

"So, I see you enjoy the cho-co-laaate." He began playing with the ends of Mello's hair; the second immediately turned around and slapped the grossly hairy hand away. Rodrigo just smiled."So, baby, I was wondering if you were doing anything tonight."

"Yes" Mello shot back."I'm going to a club with a friend tonight."

"Wow, you like clubs. You ARE the most extraordinary chick I've ever met." The last comment stopped Mello in his tracks.

"Listen Rodrigo, I know you think I'm pretty and all," Mello made a dramatic pause."I'm a dude." He gave the best _no-hurt-feelings-right?-_smile he could. Rodrigo laughed, his face turning redder than before.

"Do you know how many times I've heard _that_ one? I know you just _already_ have a boyfriend. But don't worry, The Rodrigo don't mind!" he wrapped an arm around Mello's shoulders.

"You know I'm serious about being a guy. And unless you're gay, you should consider me taken" Rodrigo burst into laughter again, leaving Mello a perfect time to escape. He raced to the check-stand, hoping, no, _praying,_ someone would get in line behind him. God must've been smiling down on him because someone did. That smile turned into a scowl when the person behind him turned out to be Rodrigo.

"So, I don't think I caught you're name, honey."

Mello scowled.

"Mello. Like a _boy's_ name!"

"In what language? Here, that's a girls' name." Rodrigo smiled, disregarding the fact that few modern girls' names ended in an "o".

Mello scoffed. He signed the receipt, grabbed his bags, and stormed out of the store and into the parking lot. He threw his groceries into the trunk and nearly ran into the driver's seat. He swore he felt his heart stop when he saw Rodrigo in the rearview mirror.

"Hey, would you look at that! We're parked next to each other. We're soul mates!" Mello hit his head onto the wheel. He had a soul mate. His name was Mail -beeping- Jeevas!

Mello turned the car on and was gone in about 15 seconds. Not too surprisingly, Rodrigo was on his motorcycle, tailing Mello like a shark on a leg.

-

There was a loud banging at the door. Matt got up from where he had been sitting and looked through the peephole. He sighed, looking quite pleased with himself.

"I thought we weren't talking." He called through the door.

"Oh, ha ha. Open the door! I'm being followed" Matt reluctantly opened the door, and Mello burst in, out of breath, and looking quite disheveled with grocery bags cascading from his arm.

"So does this mean we're talking again?" Matt asked in a questionably innocent voice. Mello glared at him. "So someone's following you? What did you do this time?"

Mello rolled his eyes. "I had hair of debatable length, and I looked extremely good while reaching for _this_" he placed the squash on the table with a flourish. Matt made a face of disgust.

"Eew." He grumbled." I _hate_ squash."

"Well, too bad; you're eating it." There was a knock at the door. Mello bolted for another room.

"Mels, is this that person you said was following you?" Matt asked in a confused voice. Mello made a noise that was a mix between a yelp and a giggle.

"_Following?_ This guy was _stalking _me. Heck with that, he was _molesting_ me." Matt went to the door and looked through the peephole.

"Geez Mello. Why do you attract the husky hairy dudes?"

"Heck if I know, JUST DON'T LET HI-"There was a bang then a crack on the door. Matt backed away. Soon enough Rodrigo was standing in the doorframe. Matt was horrified.

"I'm looking for a Mello. 'Bout this tall, blonde hair. I met her at Albertsons." Rodrigo announced unabashedly.

Matt tried to suppress the mad giggling boiling up inside his lungs. "Sir, I believe you have the wrong apartment. Please leave before I call the police." To emphasize his point Matt grabbed his cell-phone.

"Ha, I'm not going anywhere until I see Mello. I wanna give her these." Rodrigo pulled out a bouquet of roses from God-knows-where, and stepped further inside the apartment.

"Sir you are breaking and entering. I am calling the police." Completely ignoring Matt, Rodrigo continued scrutinizing the room. Matt began to dial. His fingers were twitching like mad. He noticed Rodrigo entering his bedroom. Matt began to move forward until he heard a gunshot.

_Dear God _Matt thought_ Dear God, he shot Mello._ He rushed to the hall to find Rodrigo lying on the floor, and Mello standing confidently with a gun in his hands.

"And that," he began "is what happens when you mess with this!" he slapped his own rear end a few times. Matt looked at him completely dazed.

"You got him." He said, still dazed.

"Heck yes I did!" Mello said triumphantly "Now help me drag this guy outside and make it look like this was an accident." Matt rolled his eyes and grabbed Rodrigo's feet. The two boys hauled him off to the dumpster. _Someone _was bound to notice him sometime.

They were half-way up the stairs when Mello stopped.

"C'mon" He said calling down at Matt, who was still at the bottom."We've got tofu-steak and squash and _I'm_ not cooking it." Matt sighed and smiled.

"Well Mello, neither am _I._"

* * *

_Rodrigo is NOT meant to be racist! I just see him lurking around the cinnamon buns at Food 4 Less._


End file.
